有一段时间我魔怔了,想读博。读博两个要求,雅思写作要好,外加好的研究计划。研究计划多难写啊!知难而退的我当然先去考雅思啦!就好像很多考研的同学不想做真题,却愿意背单词。大家都是懒癌病友。一年多的时间里,我考了5次雅思,最后也只考到7.5。这个剧情是不是很不鸡汤?

复习雅思写作的过程主要分了两个阶段。

第一阶段看两本慎小嶷的书。小姨老师的收藏癖和整理癖深入骨髓,他把官方范文按照话题和分数分门别类,让我这个假强迫症看得非常舒服。另外,他分析考试大纲通俗易懂,评分点讲的很清楚。7分8分9分之间的区别到底是什么,也给简单明了的例子。毕竟这是应试,应试就要投考官所好,所以需要把考官的品位先搞搞清楚。

小作文评分标准:

©https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/

大作文评分标准:

©https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/

按照上图评分标准,作文根据四个板块打分:

  1. 切题,题干里提到的所有内容和问题,作文里要全面涉及,连举例子也要举题干里的例子;另外只要自己提出的论点,都要深入的分析,要让这个论点从概念落到实际,也就是落到最细枝末节的应用上。
  2. 连贯,分段要合理,转承要自然且不露痕迹。这就要用到很多慎小嶷提到的暗连接。
  3. 表达,要有足够丰富的表达方式,学会用小词,学会用地道的表达方法。
  4. 语法,要尽可能用多种多样的句式结构,而且还要正确、准确。

按图索骥,对照着评分标准看满分范文,就好像对照的病症看药方,容易懂。除了收集整理满分范文,没有范文的题目还会自己写一篇凑上,不过他的写作风格太明显,一眼就能看出来不是考委会的文风。这个时候就能感觉到光靠慎小嶷的书可以考到7分,但是再往上提升真的很难。因为他收集的范文都是不同考官写的,风格不一样,很难归纳规律。

第二个阶段就是找同一个考官写的满分范文。我看的是https://ielts-simon.com/上面的。这个博主是前考官,我买了他一本自出版的电子书,20美元吧。他的范文不难,语言平实不花哨,各种题材题型都涵盖了。

这两个阶段只是看的东西不一样。练习当然一直没停。

练习了两三个星期之后,在淘宝上找前考官批改,拿到了8分。我觉得这个考官写的评语非常透彻,从里面可以提炼出很多雅思作文的评分点。这篇文章其实主要是想把她的评语晒出来,给还在考雅思的同学一些参考。可惜这个老师已经不接活了,所以也不用问我上哪儿找她了。

先给大家来个大作文:

task2.jpg

作文全文:

The world, with more extensive globalisation, tends to be dominated by a handful of languages and witnesses the extinction of several languages each year. Some take this of no significance and as an easing factor to the international community.

Life will certainly be easier with fewer languages. It would cause less conflicts and misunderstanding when people try to convey messages without the language barriers in their way. Especially under the circumstances of international business, dominant languages used in documents and negotiations smooth the communication and bring cooperation.

Access to more knowledge and information will be given to larger population if they speak the mainstream languages, since most of researches and reports carried out so far have been written in such languages. By adopting languages spoken by majority, minority ethnic people will embrace more opportunities and become more promising in realising their full potential and more competitive in job market.

However, it is not encouraged for those people to give up their native tongues. Their languages, as vehicles of their culture, bear the tradition and values that cannot be replaced or replicated. By preserving the minority languages, the cultural diversity will be enhanced, the sense of belonging strengthened, and historical heritage secured. It might not prove easier for the commercial world, but definitely worthy for humanity.

Business community would be better off if most speak the dominant languages, though more importance should be attached to the endangered languages. Government should offer both dominant language courses and native language courses to minority ethnic groups so that they can become part of a wider world while preserving their cultural integrity.

老师评语:

Overall this essay scores in the region of a 8

Task achievement

This scores in the region of a 9

Really excellent. This essay covers everything and is written with not just an understanding of the business world, but with a sensitivity to minorities.

Its conclusion is well thought out, again brief, but it does show a firm stance that has been wholly supported in the essay.

Cohesion and coherence

This scores in the region of a 9

Flawless. The paragraphs are formed intelligently, the argument progresses excellently and there are an overall smoothness and naturalness that has a particularly academic and professional tone. I cannot fault this.

Lexical resource

This scores on the region of an 8

Some extensive vocabulary used here. Particularly excellent vocabulary includes: ‘language barriers/native tongues/cultural integrity’. Really, really impressive.

This should be a 9, except for those darn articles!

e.g.1

‘Access to more knowledge and information will be given to larger population if they speak the mainstream languages, since most of researches and reports carried out so far have been written in such languages. By adopting languages spoken by majority, minority ethnic people will embrace more opportunities and become more promising in realising their full potential and more competitive in job market.’

Should be:

‘Access to more knowledge and information will be given to a larger population if they speak the mainstream languages, since most of researches and reports carried out so far have been written in such languages. By adopting languages spoken by the majority, minority ethnic people will embrace more opportunities and become more promising in realising their full potential and more competitive in the job market.’

e.g.2

‘Business community would be better off if…’

Should be:

The business community would be better off if…’

Or:

‘Business communities would be better off if…’

e.g.3

‘Government should offer both dominant language…’

Again this should be:

The government should offer both dominant language…’

Or:

Governments should offer both dominant language…’

e.g.4 One final point that you may choose to take or leave:

‘It would cause less conflicts and misunderstanding…’

Would sound more native if you did this:

‘It would cause less conflicts and misunderstandings…’

Grammatical range and accuracy

This scores this region of an 8

Really incredible work here. There are many passive sentences that are quite brilliant. This is enough for the examiner to see that complex grammar is not an issue for this student. Excellent. For examples: ‘…will be given…’ ‘…have been written…’

This is exceptionally good grammatically: ‘By preserving the minority languages, the cultural diversity will be enhanced, the sense of belonging strengthened, and historical heritage secured.’

The only error is actually a very simple one: ‘Business community would be better off if most spoke the dominant languages…’

All in all an outstanding essay. The writing here reads as if it were written by a student who has lived for some time amongst native speakers. It is linguistically brilliant. However more than being accurate English, it is written with an academic and very professional flair. I cannot speak highly enough about this work.


小作文范例:

task1.jpg
作文全文:

The line graph is a 2008 report about the energy consumption in America since 1980 with projections until 2030.

The energy consumption by fossil fuel in the US, despite fluctuations, enjoyed a continuous rise. Petrol and oil started high at 35 quadrillion (35q) units in 1980, and suffered a slight drop to 30q in 1985. while natural gas and coal began with 20q and 16q respectively, both reached 16q in five years. The next five years witnessed increase in all fossil fuels, petrol and oil back to where it started, natural gas and coal sharing their upheavals to 18q. In nearly three decades, fossil fuels continued the upward trend with ups and downs, with petrol and oil reaching 42q, natural gas and coal meeting again at 25q in 2014. Here on, gradual increase will be seen in petrol and oil and coal, expected to reach 48q and 32q respectively in 2030. Natural gas, though, will tread a different path and remain steady at 25q.

Alternative energy, namely nuclear, solar and wind, hydropower, share the starting point at 3q in 1980. for the first decade, they saw a minor increase, with nuclear to 5q, and other two to 4q in 1990. the nuclear since then carried on the trend and continued to increase steadily but slowly to 7q till 2014. solar/wind, on the other hand, landed at 5q in 2014 after ups and downs, with hydro power landing at 3q. In the future, all renewable energy will remain level, with slight increase in nuclear and solar/wind after 2025.

It is noticeable that America consumes and will consume more energy than it did before.

老师点评:

Overall this essay scores in the region of an 8

Task achievement

This scores in the region of a 9

Without having the graphs to look at, I’m going to assume that all the information is correct.

This essay was excellent. The information was detailed and comparisons were made so thoroughly and clearly that it was easy to follow. Indeed it was very pleasant to read, which considering it is just a write up of a graph, is deeply impressive.

A nice conclusion was made, albeit a little brief, at the end and it was all ordered in a precise and logical way.

Cohesion and coherence

This scores in the region of an 8/9

Again this really was excellent. A few times there were no capital letters after a full-stop (period) but I am suspicious this was a typing error and not actually a real mistake. If it was a real error then take the 8 score, if it was a typo, take the 9.

Linking words were used with a natural flair and helped it flow smoothly. For example, ‘While/here on/since then/in the future’

Lexical resource

This scores on the region of an 8

There was some really brilliant vocabulary here, used with a very natural ability: ‘upheavals/will tread a different path/upward trend’.

This is really lovely: ‘while natural gas and coal began with 20q and 16q respectively, both reached 16q in five years.’

In fact it was all very impressive.

There were a few errors with articles however:

‘The next five years witnessed increase in all fossil fuels…’

Needs an article:

‘The next five years witnessed an increase in all fossil fuels…’

‘nuclear to 5q, and other two to 4q in 1990.’

Needs an article:

‘nuclear to 5q, and the other two to 4q in 1990.’

‘…energy will remain level, with slight increase in nuclear…’

Needs an article:

‘…energy will remain level, with a slight increase in nuclear…’

This is outstanding work. All that is stopping this from being a 9 are three little articles. Brilliant!

Grammatical range and accuracy

This scores this region of an 8

It is not easy to put examples of complex grammar in such a short essay with a narrow field. However, you used the past tenses perfectly and again with a very natural feeling. You also succeeded in squeezing in a little passive:

‘Here on, gradual increase will be seen in petrol and oil and coal…’

Which is outstanding.

Because of the exceptionally high level of English used in this essay, and because the past tenses have been used without error, this one bit of passive allows the examiner to comfortably award a score in the region of an 8.

A 9 would need more complex grammar.

All in all this was exemplary and a real pleasure to read!

这次练习可能是我雅思写作的巅峰时刻了。最后一次考试也只是得了7.5分而已。什么时候雅思全面机考了,我就再去试一次。下面这张图告诉大家,世上无难事,只要肯放弃。

IELTSresults.jpg

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