作者:Stephen R. Covey
出版社: Topeka Bindery
But the problem is that Lose/Win people bury a lot of feelings. And unexpressed feelings never die: they’re buried alive and come forth later in uglier ways. Psychosomatic illnesses, particularly of the respiratory, nervous, and circulatory systems, often are the reincarnation of cumulative resentment, deep disappointment, and disillusionment repressed by the Lose/Win mentality. Disproportionate rage or anger, overreaction to minor provocation, and cynicism are other embodiments of suppressed emotion.
P240 / 2021-11-22 13:36
Whenever love is given on a conditional basis, when someone has to earn love, what’s being communicated to them is that they are not intrinsically valuable or lovable. Value does not lie inside them, it lies outside. It’s in comparison with somebody else or against some expectation.
P238 / 2021-11-22 13:24
I had lived for months trying to avoid the problem,seeing it as a source of irritation, a stumbling block, and wishing it would somehow go away. But, as it turned out, the very problem created the opportunity to build a deep relationship that empowered us to work together as a strong, complementary team.
P233 / 2021-11-22 13:10
It is more Nobel to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.
P231 / 2021-11-22 13:03
It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.
P228 / 2021-11-17 14:47
One of the most important ways to manifest integrity is to be loyal to those who are not present. In doing so, we build the trust of those who are present. When you defend those who are absent, you retain the trust of those present.
Suppose you and I were talking alone, and we were criticizing our supervisor in a way that we would not dare to do if he were present. Now, what will happen when you and I have a falling-out? You know I m going to be discussing your weaknesses with someone else. That’s what you and I did behind our supervisor’s back. You know my nature. I’ll sweet-talk you to your face and bad-mouth you behind your back. You’ve seen me do it.
That’s the essence of duplicity. Does that build a reserve of trust in my account with you?
P226 / 2021-11-17 13:46
Trust is the highest form of human motivation. It brings out thevery best in people. But it takes time and patience, and it doesn’t preclude the necessity to train and develop people so that their competency can rise to the level of that trust.
P200 / 2021-11-13 15:37
Too many vacations that last too long, too many movies, too much TV, too much video game playing — too much undisciplined leisure time in which a person continually takes the course of least resistance gradually wastes a life. It ensures that a person’s capacities stay dormant, that talents remain undeveloped, that the mind and spirit become lethargic, and that the heart is unfulfilled.
P129 / 2021-11-02 15:26
If my sense of security lies in my reputation or in the things Ihave, my life will be in a constant state of threat and jeopardy that these possessions may be lost or stolen or devalued. If I’m in the presence of someone of greater net worth or fame or status, I feel inferior. If I’m in the presence of someone of lesser net worth or fameor status, I feel superior. My sense of self-worth constantly fluctuates. I don’t have any sense of constancy or anchorage or persistent selfhood. I am constantly trying to protect and insure my assets, properties, securities, position, or reputation.
P128 / 2021-11-02 15:23
Succeed at home first.
Never compromise with honesty.
Hear both sides before judging.
Obtain counsel of others.
Defend those who are absent.
Be sincere yet decisive.
Develop one new proficiency a year.
Plan tomorrow’s work today.
Hustle while you wait.
Maintain a positive attitude.
Keep a sense of humor.
Be orderly in person and in work.
Do not fear mistakes — fear only the absence of creative, constructive, and corrective responses to those mistakes.
Facilitate the success of subordinates.
Listen twice as much as you speak.
Concentrate all abilities and efforts on the task at hand, not worrying about the next job or promotion.
P120 / 2021-11-02 10:12
The real success is success with self. It’s not in having things, but in having mastery, having victory over self.
P118 / 2021-11-02 09:46
As humans, our tendency is to play the victim. And unless you’re watchful, it will sneak up on you and you’ll start blaming outside forces — parents, spouses, bosses the weather, the government, circumstances, “the Man,” whomever your problems.
In reality, we are not victims. We’re agents. We are the creative forces of our lives, and we are free to choose. But we have to be reminded of this all the time.
P102 / 2021-10-24 13:57
While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of those actions. Consequences are governed by natural law.
P98 / 2021-10-24 12:28
I admit this is very hard to accept emotionally, especially if we have had years and years of explaining our misery in the name of circumstance or someone else’s behavior. But until a person can say deeply and honestly, “I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday,” that person cannot say, “I choose otherwise.”
P80 / 2021-10-17 15:20
We are not our feelings. We are not our moods. We are not even our thoughts. The very fact that we can think about these things separates us from them and from the animal world. Self-awareness enables us to stand apart and examine even the way we “see” ourselves — our self-paradigm, the most fundamental paradigm of effectiveness.
P74 / 2021-10-17 14:42
In the last analysis, as Marilyn Ferguson observed, “No one can persuade another to change. Each of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of another, either by argument or by emotional appeal.”
P60 / 2021-10-16 15:08
Effectiveness lies in the balance. Excessive focus on (production) results in ruined health, worn-out machines, depleted bank accounts, and broken relationships. Too much focus on (production capability) is like a person who runs three or four hours a day, bragging about the extra ten years of life it creates, unaware he’s spending them running. Or a person endlessly going to school, never producing, living on other people’s golden eggs — the eternal student syndrome.
P59 / 2021-10-16 12:48
Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automaton, who does not know or understand himself, and the only person that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be, whose meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech, whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken the place of genuine pain. Two statements may be said concerning this individual. One is that he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality which may seem to be incurable. At the same time it may be said of him he does not differ essentially from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earth.
P36 / 2021-10-15 10:57
Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case. We see the world, not as it is, but as we are — or, as we are conditioned to see it. When we open our mouths to describe what we see, we in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms. When other people disagree with us, we immediately think something is wrong with them. But, as the demonstration shows, sincere, clearheaded people see things differently, each looking through the unique lens of experience.
P28 / 2021-10-14 12:26
It is character that communicates most eloquently. As Emerson once put it, “what you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say.”
P22 / 2021-10-13 16:56
Only basic goodness gives life to technique.
P21 / 2021-10-13 16:54
Common sense isn’t always common practice.
P10 / 2021-10-13 16:17