作者:Adam Kay

Among all the predictably ‘hilarious’ remarks the patients made to me, one said something surprisingly astute. ‘It’s funny – you don’ t think of doctors getting ill.’ It’s true, and I think it’s part of something bigger: patients don’t actually think of doctors as being human. It’s why they’re so quick to complain if we make a mistake or if we get cross. It’s why they’ll bite our heads off when we finally call them into our over-running clinic room at 7 p.m., not thinking that we also have homes we’d rather be at. But it’s the flip side of not wanting your doctor to be fallible, capable of getting your diagnosis wrong.

因为不希望医生犯错,而妄想医生永远不会犯错,进而一旦医生犯错就得理不饶人,这是同胞们也有的病症。医生和病人对医患关系中自己的定位都不怎么准。医生觉得病人有求于我,病人觉得医生应该服务于他。所以双方都趾高气扬高高在上,你高一寸,我就蹿一尺。互不示弱,互相踩低,到最后就变成了一触即发的矛盾。我不知道为什么大家一定要在那么多关系当中分一个主次高低,应该是旧习陋俗吧,或者,生活中太多地方都有主次高低,所以习惯推而广之。

P234

2019-06-01 17:30:18

I felt like I’d been through rigorous couples therapy – talking all the problems out, realizing the spark was still there after.

可是,两口子吵架,不是大吵大闹,各说各的,就是一言不发,各气各的。只要能有一个人坚持住,不停地说啊说,这两口子就一定没事。

P199

2019-06-01 11:46:56

You don’t cure depression, the same way you don’t cure asthma; you manage it.

我姨之前就有过抑郁症,当时我就跟我妈说,你去看她说什么都行,唯独千万别说“有什么想不开的啊?”你这句话一说出来,就说明你是个高高在上的傻子。你不仅无法理解别人,也根本没想过要去理解别人。有些人心里,“好死不如赖活着”已经上升到了人生信条的高度。活着的质量、内容、动机,对他们来说不重要。我之前焦虑的时候,就一直怀疑我生活的意义是什么,以及我为什么没有实现生活的意义。我想把生活填充的满满当当,却觉得自己的能力无法应付满满当当的生活。这种现实和理想的矛盾和排斥,让我无法接受自己,不停地否定自己。就是这样才导致了焦虑。但是这种感受,我不会和两种人说,第一种是觉得生活得过且过,不必有意义;第二种是觉得自己永远是对的,从不反省自己的人。因为对这两种人来说,我的问题,不过是无病呻吟而已。

P171

2019-05-30 13:59:11

Terms like “choice” sound good in theory – we all like to feel we are masters of our own destinies – but have you ever been in a canteen queue where there are more than a couple of mains? People dither, they change their minds, they look for affirmation from friends. Sometimes, it’s best to cut to the chase and remove any room for doubt.

除了个人喜好之外,自由的意义被夸大了。专业的事交给专业的人来做,比外行人自由选择更靠谱。我的很多学生连自己想要什么都不知道,他们基本上会做两种选择,第一是随大流,别人选什么就选什么,第二是搞特殊,别人选什么就偏不选什么。这里面有个很大的漏洞,就是自己选什么和别人根本没有任何关系。别人的选择本来就不应该拿来当做参照系。可是不知道自己该怎么选的时候,人总是会下意识抬头看看身边的人怎么选。症结还是自己没有目标和判断。我从不替别人做决定,只是解释,如果这么选会有什么结果,接不接受是你的事。我认识几个人,她们会把同一个问题拿去问不同的人,而且反反复复问很多次。但其实她们心里早就有自己的选择和答案。她们想要的无非是让你同意她们的选择,这样的话,一旦结果不如人意,就可以把责任推到你身上,而不用自责。这种人我会敬而远之,甚至不惜主动得罪,让她们离我远点。因为我很了解这样的人,她们会把利益全都揽在自己怀里,而把责任全都推到你身上,不仅如此,还想永远站在道德制高点。Have a good life, then die!

2019-05-29 18:05:11

When discussing Do Not Resuscitate orders, relatives often want “everything to be done” without really knowing what that means. Really, the form should say, “if your mother’s heart stops, would you like us to break all her ribs and electrocute her?”

2019-05-02 08:36:17

A patient was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer during pregnancy, and was advised to deliver at thirty two weeks so she could start treatments. She waited till the thirty seven weeks to give her baby the absolutely best possible chance. She died after a fortnight spent with her baby.

作者讲这个故事平铺直叙,可我的眼泪却在打转。

2019-05-02 08:35:54

The other miracle of childbirth is that that I can put metal forceps on a baby’s head and lean backwards— applying 20kg of traction force on it, generally getting a sweat on — and the baby comes out absolutely fine, rather than, as you might expect, decapitated.

2019-05-02 08:35:31

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