I did not hurry. I wanted time to think and be ready to cope with whatever was coming. The visit of these two men was unusual. However, in China, when one had to attend a meeting to hear a lecture or political indoctrination, one was seldom told in advance. The officials assumed that everybody should drop everything whenever called upon to do so. I wondered whether these two men had come to ask me to join one of their political indoctrination lectures.
我不慌不忙，想為自己爭取多些時間，想想該如何應對即將發生的事。他們二位這大清早的拜訪，頗不尋常。不過，在中國，需要大家參加會議或者聽政治訓導是極少會事先通知的，領導們也會要求所有人都要馬上放下手上的一切工作去參加會議或者聽訓導。不知道他們此行是不是想讓我去聽訓導.
Kelly’s note: 第一句”I did not hurry.”沒有把握準態度。作者應是想表達有意為之的“磨蹭”，譯為“不慌不忙”有偏差。assumed一詞，換了各種詞都覺得無法很好地體現出那個年代個人意志被剝奪的處境，暫用“要求”。
THE PAST IS FOREVER with me and I remember it all. I now move back in time and space to a hot summer’s night in July 1966, to the study of my old home in Shanghai. My daughter was asleep in her bedroom, the servants had gone to their quarters, and I was alone in my study. I hear again the slow whirling of the ceiling fan overhead; I see the white carnations drooping in the heat in the white Qianlong vase on my desk. Book shelves line the walls in front of me, filled with English and Chinese titles. The shaded reading lamp leaves half the room in shadows, but the silk brocade of the red cushions on the white sofa gleams vividly.
那段過去一直縈繞在我心頭，難以抹去。恍惚間，我仿佛又回到了1966年7月的那個酷暑的晚上，回到了我上海故居的書房內。我的女兒在她臥房內酣睡，傭人們也待在他們各自的房間裡。我獨自一人待在書房，聽著吊扇在頭頂嗡嗡作響，乾隆年製花瓶內的白色康乃馨被熱得垂頭喪氣地耷拉著。對面那沿墻排開的書架上滿滿的中外書籍。書房內燈光昏暗，大半間房間都籠罩在陰影下，唯獨白沙發上的大紅絲綢織錦靠枕熠熠生輝。
An English friend, a frequent visitor to my home in Shanghai, once called it “and oasis of comfort and elegance in the midst of the city’s drabness.” Indeed, my house was not a mansion, and by Western standards, it was modest. But I had spent time and thought to make it a home and a haven for my daughter and myself so that we could continue to enjoy good taste while the rest of the city was being taken over by proletarian realism.
我一個常來拜訪的英國老朋友曾說，我的家是在這單調一致的城市中一方既舒適又有高雅情趣的綠洲。我深以為然。確實，我的房子絕非雕樑畫棟，按照西方標準來看，也是頗為低調。但為了讓它像個“家”，為了讓它成為我和女兒的一方避風港，為了讓我們能在這興無滅資的無產階級化城市中繼續堅持生活品味，我可算是煞費苦心。
AFTER THE EPISODE INVOLVING my brother, the interrogator continued with his inquiry about all my relatives and friends. This series of interrogations lasted nearly seven months, until the end of 1969. Then I was no longer called to the interrogation room. I waited and waited. A month passed, and then another. When there was still no sign of the interrogation being resumed, I spoke to the guard and requested to see the interrogator.
我弟弟的那段插曲過去後，審訊員繼續審查我其他的親戚和朋友，這持續了將近七個月，一直到1969年年底。後來，我就沒有再被提審。我日復一日、月復一月地等著，直到覺得不會再被提審後，我和看守說我要求見審訊員。
At the same moment, the Red Guards pushed open the front door and entered the house. There were thirty or forty senior high school students, aged between fifteen and twenty, led by two men and one woman much older. Although they all wore the armband of the Red Guard, I thought the three older people were the teachers who generally accompanied the Red Guards when they looted private homes. As they crowded into the hall, one of them knocked over a pot of jasmine on a fencai porcelain stool. The tiny white blooms scattered on the floor, trampled by their impatient feet.
The leading Red Guard, a gangling youth with angry eyes, stepped forward and said to me, “We are the Red Guards. We have come to take revolutionary action against you!”
與此同時，紅衛兵們撞開了大門，蜂擁而入。他們是三四十個十五到二十歲的高中生，由兩個年歲稍長的男子和一個婦女帶領。雖然都戴著紅衛兵的袖章，但我覺得那三個年齡較大的應該是學校老師，陪著學生一同抄家的。他們蜂擁至走廊時，其中一個碰翻了粉彩瓷花架上的一瓶茉莉花。花瓣柔弱，片片落地，又被他們踩得稀巴爛。
領頭的紅衛兵是一個瘦高個青年，怒氣沖沖地上前一步，沖我喊道：“我們是紅衛兵。我們是來對你採取革命行動的！”
Even the curtains hung completely evenly, not a fraction out of line. In the glass cabinet were white jude figures, a rose quartz incense burner, and ornaments of other semiprecious stones that I had lovingly collected over the years. They had been beautifully carved in intricate designs by the hands of skilled artists. Now my eyes caressed them to bid them farewell. Having heard from Winnie that the painter Lin Fengmian was in serious trouble, I knew that his painting of a lady in blue hanging over the sideboard would be ruthlessly destroyed. But what about the other ink-and-brush painting by Qi Baishi? He was a great artist of the traditional style. Because of his having been a carpenter in early life, he was honored by the Communist Party. Would the Red Guards know the facts of Qi Baishi’s life and spare his painting? I looked at it carefully, my eyes lingering over each stroke of his masterful brush. It was a picture of the lotus, a favorite subject for Chinese artists because the lotus symbolized purity. The poet Tao Yuanming (A.D. 376-427) used the lotus to represent a man of honor in a famous poem, saying that the lotus rose out of mud but remained unstained.
窗簾層層疊疊、一絲不亂地垂掛著。玻璃櫃里放著一尊白玉人像、一個玫瑰水晶香爐和其他一些我長年累月精心收集的玉石飾物，都是能工巧匠精心雕作而成的。我的目光一一掃過他們，戀戀不捨地與他們道別。薇妮曾對我說過，林風眠有嚴重的政治問題，因此我想，掛在櫥櫃旁的那幅身著藍衣的女郎畫作必將遭逢不幸了。但是齊白石的水墨畫呢？齊白石是國畫大師，因其少時當過木匠，因此受到共產黨的尊敬。那些紅衛兵知不知道齊白石的出身呢？齊的畫作會不會因為他的出身而能倖免於難呢？我細細端詳著他的畫作，領略每一筆每一劃的妙韻。這幅畫是荷花。荷花象征純潔，是中國藝術家們的最愛。著名詩人陶淵明曾在其詩中以荷花喻君子，稱荷花出淤泥而不染。
Mounting the stairs, I was astonished to see several Red Guards taking pieces of my porcelain collection out of their padded boxes. One young man had arranged a set of four Kangxi winecups in a row on the floor and was stepping on them. I was just in time to hear the crunch of delicate porcelain under the sole of his shoe. The sound pieced my heart. Impulsively I leapt forward and caught his leg just as he raised his foot to crush the next cup. He toppled. We fell in a heap together. My eyes searched for the other winecups to make sure we had not broken them in our fall, and , momentarily distracted, I was not able to move aside when the boy regained his feet and kicked me right in my chest. I cried out in pain.
我上樓時，正看到幾個紅衛兵把我珍藏在軟墊盒子裡的珍品瓷器取出來。其中一個年輕人，把四個康熙年間產的酒杯一一放在地上，排成一排，用腳把他們碾碎。我正好聽到酒杯在他鞋底被踩碎的聲音，那聲音讓我心痛如絞。我忍不住沖了過去，在他抬腳時抱住他的腿，不讓下一個杯子遭難。他一個趔趄，和我一同摔倒在地。我緊張地用目光搜尋其他的酒杯，看看它們是否在我們摔倒時被壓碎。我立時心亂如麻，在那男青年爬起來抬腳時無力避開，任他一腳重重地踢在我心口。我痛呼出聲。
I picked up one of the remaining winecups and cradled it in my palm. Holding my hand out, I said, “This winecup is nearly three hundred years old. You seem to value the cameras, watches, and binoculars, but better cameras, better watches, and more powerful binoculars are being made every year. No one in this world can make another winecup like this one again.This is a part of our cultural heritage. Every Chinese should be proud of it.””
我撿起那個倖免於難的酒杯，放在掌心。我伸手說：“這個酒杯有三百年歷史了。你們似乎非常看重相機、手錶還有望遠鏡。但是每年都會出產更先進的相機、手錶和望遠鏡。然而，這世上再沒有人能夠造出像這樣的酒杯了。這是我們的文化遺產。每個中國人都應該感到驕傲啊。”
“You shut up! These things belong to the old culture. They are the useless toys of the feudal emperors and the modern capitalist class and have no significance to us, the proletarian class. They cannot be compared to cameras and binoculars, which are useful for our struggle in time of war. Our Great Leader Chairman Mao taught us, ‘If we do not destroy, we cannot establish.’ The old culture must be destroyed to make way for the new socialist culture.”
“你閉嘴！這些都是舊文化，都是封建皇帝和現代資本主義階級的玩物，對我們無產階級來講一點都不重要！更不可能和能在戰爭時期滿足我們鬥爭需要的相機和望遠鏡相比。我們的偉大領袖毛主席教育過我們，‘不破不立。’要建設社會主義新文化，就必須要破四舊。”
Kelly’s note: 英文讀來冷靜、嚴謹，描述的是與其形成強烈反差的心碎回憶。我很慶幸我能在書店光明正大翻閱這本書，而非偷偷摸摸下載電子版。